“I’m Megan, a 33-year-old living in a quiet town called Maplewood with my husband, Tom, who’s 35. We’ve been married for six years, and lately, our relationship has hit a rough patch due to his mom, Diane,” she explained to us.
Sometimes love isn’t enough. I feel like there are three of us in this marriage.
Feeling frustrated, I talked to Tom about setting boundaries, about us making decisions as a couple. Tom hesitated, torn between me and his mom. That’s when I said, “It’s either me or your mom.” The room got heavy with silence, and I could see the struggle on Tom’s face.
Now, I’m in a tough spot.
So here I am, torn between my love for Tom and the need for a marriage where we call the shots. Has anyone gone through this? How did you handle it? I’m looking for advice on whether to push for change or, in a worst-case scenario, consider ending a marriage over a mother-in-law’s influence.
Response from Bright Side.
- Be Specific About Boundaries: Clearly define the boundaries you’d like to set with Diane. Whether it’s decision-making, family events, or personal space, providing specific examples can help Tom better understand your needs.
- Seek Couple’s Counseling: Consider attending couple’s counseling to navigate these issues together. A professional can offer guidance on communication, boundary-setting, and resolving conflicts in a constructive manner.
- Encourage Tom to Express His Feelings: Create a safe space for Tom to share his feelings and concerns. Understand his perspective and try to find common ground. It’s important to work as a team to strengthen your relationship.
- Find Compromises: Work together to find compromises that respect both your needs and Tom’s relationship with his mom. Finding a middle ground may involve adjusting expectations on both sides to create a healthier balance.
- Build a Support System: Surround yourself with friends or family who can provide support and perspective. Having a strong support system can help you navigate challenging times and make informed decisions about your relationship.
- Communicate Openly With Tom: Initiate an open and honest conversation with Tom about your feelings and concerns. Clearly express why you feel suffocated and the importance of establishing boundaries for your marriage.