Waking up a toddler and wrangling them in the morning to get them dressed and out of the door is no small feat. Their tiny, squirmy bodies twist and contort in ways that are unimaginable. That flexibility, paired with a strong will, can have your morning routine feeling like a full workout.
A father recently took to Reddit saying that his wife was struggling to get their 3-year-old ready for day care in the mornings. So much so that she made him late for work. He came up with a strategy but wondered if it makes him an a–hole.
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One frustrated dad said his wife ‘drags her feet’ getting their son fed and dressed for day care in the morning.
The Redditor has enacted an “if he’s not ready, he stays at home” policy for his wife and their 3-year-old son. This dad, a 33-year-old man, explained that he generally drops his son off at day care in the morning and his wife’s mother will pick up him the evening.
“My wife cannot drive so she unfortunately cannot take him,” he shared. The OP wrote that if he and his son are out of the door at 8:45 a.m., he can drop him off at day care and still be on time for work. But he explained that his wife “drags her feet with getting him fed and ready, so she has caused me to be late multiple times.”
“I am in a field where I simply cannot be late, and therefore this situation is unacceptable. I have been late four times since he started going to daycare, and my wife has only gotten less consistent,” he explained.
After being late on four separate occasions, he decided to just walk out and leave their son with his mother.
Last week, he realized that his wife was running behind with their son and he was going to be late again. So instead of letting that happen, he simply walked out of the door. Naturally, his wife was not happy about that.
“She called me screaming angrily,” the original poster wrote. “But I told her that if she didn’t want him to stay home, she should have had him ready on time.”
The next day, he was ready on time. But the day after, she fell back into her old pattern. And the OP walked out again. When he got back home at 11 p.m., his wife had a lot to say.
The additional details made the OP look less like the villain.
The OP asked if his policy made him an a–hole and wondered if there was something he was missing. The truth of the story came out in the comments section when other Reddit users had additional questions. The OP explained that he gets home at 11 p.m. because he works two jobs while his wife is unemployed.
He said that they cannot afford their current lifestyle and day care on his daytime salary alone. His wife is unemployed and doesn’t drive due to anxiety and is home during day.
The OP said he can’t help his wife in the morning because he works two jobs and needs the extra sleep.
The OP explained that after he gets home from work, he has to be asleep within an hour. During that time though, he manages to do household chores and his own laundry. He doesn’t help his wife get their son ready in the morning because he sleeps until 8:20 a.m. to get seven hours of sleep each night. And then on Sundays, he plays with his son for the majority of the day. With all of the additional details, the Reddit community determined he is not the a–hole.
“Your wife – doesn’t drive, doesn’t work, doesn’t look after the kid all day and STILL cannot get him sorted on time so you can take him to daycare and be at work on time and not lose your job,” one user summarized. “The job that’s paying for her entire lifestyle to do nothing. This is a bigger problem than the kid not being ready on time. This is a come-to-Jesus talk time with your wife.”
Some expressed concerns about burnout. “And you do realize this is not a sustainable arrangement,” another user pointed out. This same user also theorized about what may be going on with the mom in this scenario. “If she wants this to work, as a wife and mother, she needs to actively find treatment for her anxiety disorder. Was she like this before having a child? Could it be some kind of extended PPD that got worse?”
Whatever the reason, she clearly needs to get some help getting her mental health under control so that she and her husband can share family and household responsibilities and he doesn’t have to bear the burden all on his own.
Moms are constantly doing 12 tasks at once. We prepare breakfast while making a grocery list. We schedule a doctor’s appointment while finishing laundry. We answer emails while nursing our newborn.
As an at-home parent, you likely have a lot to juggle in small windows of time. Whether full-time momming with littles or working from home, being a parent is hard!
Enter the time-blocking method.
Time-blocking is as it sounds: breaking up the day into timed chunks. It is a time management strategy. Time-blocking allows you to evaluate where (and what) you spend your time and energy on daily. It enables you to take charge of the chunks of your day and to be more productive.
Time-blocking is beneficial for:
- Anyone who needs to be accountable for their time.
- Visually oriented people.
- People who have to get a lot done in a short time.
- People who need to do deep work.
It helps those who work from home manage the time between school drop-offs and pickups. Time-blocking helps busy moms fit work into the margins of motherhood. It allows them to be present with their kids while also leaving space for themselves.
Time-blocking may not be the magic answer moms are seeking. After all, the actual answer to most moms’ time management problems might involve cloning. But it sure is a helpful strategy.
The best part? You probably already do a form of it without realizing it!
According to Asana.com, “With time blocking, you’re effectively breaking the work week into bite-sized time slots where you check your email, work on projects, take a break, or even exercise.”
Time-blocking (sometimes referred to as block scheduling) means you’re spending a set amount of time on each task. So although moms claim they do 12 things at once, can they simultaneously do 12 things well? If you are home or working from home with kids present, you likely have many tasks to juggle in small amounts of time.
Time-blocking can help at-home moms do the following:
- Give an intentional label to the activity or task they’re trying to accomplish.
- Do one task or category of tasks at a time and do it well.
- Allow them more time for themselves.
- Maintain organization and motivation throughout the day.
- Figure out what you want to do that day. Brain dump. Sit down and make a list. Chances are, you want to do more than three things, but be realistic. Do your tasks, but do them well. Factor in deadlines, important appointments, or whatever else you need to get done.
- Break your day into blocks. If you’re a mom, you likely already do this without even realizing it. You might have a “morning time,” a “nap time,” “afternoon time,” etc. Label the blocks in a way that works for you. Remember, this strategy is to benefit you, so if you want to label that random 4 to 6 p.m. pre-bedtime block as “The Chaos Hours,” go for it.
- Plug your tasks into the blocks. It helps to sort similar tasks together. For example, the morning block could be for deep work. Then the naptime block is for self-care or rest, the afternoon block might be for housework, and so on.
- Schedule self-care and rest. One of the advantages of time-blocking is that you have concrete knowledge of your time. Be sure to schedule a block for self-care, rest, or even phone-free time.
Time-blocking can benefit you and your kids.
As busy moms, our days can get away from us. If we need to complete a set amount of tasks, time-blocking helps. But the system doesn’t work if you don’t follow through. It’s easy to set them and forget them. Make sure to follow your time blocks once you set them.
Kids thrive with routine. Think about the way school days are set up and what your kids are most used to. Math tasks are done within one hour, then social studies in another, reading, and so on. They like knowing what’s going to happen next.
A loose form of time-blocking is beneficial for kids, too. Using time-blocking, kids can prepare for what’s coming. It also helps them move from task to task more independently.
As an at-home parent, or any parent for that matter, things happen. We can’t always prepare for emergencies or sick kids. Even though we want to hold on to our schedule and routines, we do have to be a little flexible.
When things happen, allow yourself flexibility with your time-blocking system. If your schedule feels too rigid, you’ll be less likely to stick with it